Turtleneck
by Zebrastreifen
Summary: Four days in a row. That was how long Maura had been wearing turtlenecks now. Different turtlenecks, of course. Fancy turtlenecks made from expensive fabrics Jane could barely pronounce, let alone afford. But turtlenecks nevertheless. It wasn't only the rapid change in attire that had set Jane off though. Maura hadn't just been dressing differently – she also seemed different. Why?
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: I'm supposed to be working on a paper for school but then had this idea while getting dressed (yes, in a turtle neck - but just because it's cold - I promise!) and had to get it out of my system. Let me know what you think!_**

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 ** _WARNING: This story deals with domestic violence! If you're into fluffy Rizzles fics, don't read this. I will comment on one of the reviews I got later but I wanted to give anyone who hasn't read Turtleneck yet a heads up..._**

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 _Four days in a row._ That was how long Maura had been wearing turtlenecks now. Different turtlenecks, of course. Fancy turtlenecks made from expensive fabrics Jane could barely pronounce, let alone afford. But turtlenecks nevertheless. It wasn't only the rapid change in attire that had set Jane off though. Maura hadn't just been _dressing_ differently – she also _seemed_ different. More on edge. Panicky. Lonely. Scared. She just _had to_ find out why!

Jane hesitated for a brief moment before she crossed the threshold to the morgue.  
No lab techs in sight.  
 _Good._

The ME flinched when Jane called out her name, even though she seemed to calm down quickly once she'd recognized her friend.  
"Good morning, Jane" Maura's lightheartedness seemed fake, and so did the smile on her face. "What can I do for you?"  
Jane bit her lip. "I need to ask you something"

Maura frowned in confusion or worry – Jane wasn't sure.

"Ok?"  
"About your turtle-"  
"Tortoise!"  
"What?"  
"How many times do I have to tell you? Bass is a tortoise, not a-"  
"No. I'm not talking about Bass. I need to ask you something about your turtle _necks._ Regarding how you haven't been wearing anything else lately..."

Any other day, Maura would've commented on how _not wearing anything else_ would refer to her being naked except for the turtlenecks. Today, she froze for a second, then staggered backwards until she bumped into her desk. _L1, maybe T12_ , she thought. Not that it mattered, but estimating which part of her spine had made contact with the edge of the table took her mind off _everything else_ – at least for a moment.

Coming out of her science-induced trance way too early, Maura realized Jane was holding up her hands in a soothing manner. Unable to bear concerned eyes piercing through her, Maura turned away. She didn't even realize she had closed her eyes until Jane's gentle but raspy voice was encouraging her to open them again. She ignored her.

"Maur?"  
No response.  
"I can't force you to open your eyes – and even if I could, I wouldn't do that"  
No response.  
"Maura... You're safe right now. I promise" Jane's voice was barely a whisper. When the detective heard her friend's agonizing sob, she tried to push the thought away that the way Maura was acting right now already confirmed her suspicions.

"I'm here with you" Jane started again, hating the unfamiliar, awkward silence. They were _Rizzoli and Isles_. Silence had never been anything but comfortable between them. Sometimes, words just hadn't been necessary – but now, it rather seemed like Maura was too ashamed to speak – as if the mere thought was terrifying.

"I swear I'm not gonna hurt you. But will you _please_ look at me?"

Maura blinked rapidly, then opened her eyes for good which Jane acknowledged with a sad smile. The request that followed – spoken gently but completely out of the blue – knocked the breath out of her: "Show me" Jane urged softly and Maura's eyes widened in shock. Jane knew. _JaneknewJaneknewJaneknew!_

"I... I can't"  
"Yes, you can"  
Maura gulped again, trying not to think about how much even _that_ hurt. A final, gentle "Please" was all it took. With shaky fingers, Maura pulled the turtleneck downwards, revealing colorful bruises on both sides of her neck and thumb prints on her throat.  
"Jesus!" Jane exclaimed in shock and Maura hastily let go of the fabric that immediately bounced back into its place, effectively covering everything up again. "Jesus, Maura!"

Unbearable silence.

"Have you seen a doctor?"  
"I _am_ a doctor!"  
Jane sighed. "You're an ME" She whispered gently, an unspoken And I hope you'll _never need one of these_ lingering in the air.

"Maura...Talk to me! What happened?"'  
The honey blonde shook her head defiantly and yet again, uncomfortable silence had its grip on them. "I'm ok" Maura whispered after a while, unsure whether she was trying to convince Jane or herself. It didn't work for either of them.  
"The hell you are!" Jane burst out "Maur', this is serious. You know that!"

Intellectually, Maura knew Jane was yelling because she was deeply concerned. Overwhelmed. Nevertheless, she couldn't help but flinch at the unexpected increase in volume. Jane noticed immediately and took a step backwards, not wanting to scare her friend.

„Maura?" She whispered after a while. The honey blonde gulped but didn't respond, her gaze fixed on the meticulously clean floor.  
„Maura, look at me." Jane waited patiently until hazel orbs met hers. „What are the odds that he'll stop?" Jane asked gently, desperately trying to suppress the anger and fear that was – yet again – threatening to overwhelm her. Maura avoided her friend's gaze and didn't respond.

„Come on. Numbers. Figures. Statistics" The detective prodded. They both knew what she was referring to. _Strangulation. Domestic violence._ Terms they'd use at work on a daily basis. Terms they'd never thought would apply _to either of them_...

"I know, Jane" Maura started. "In theory, I know that-" Her voice was shaking so hard she could barely speak. _But_ was the last word the detective could make out among a variety of indistinguishable, hiccuped sounds. Jane shook her head and slowly, predictably reached out for her friend's arm, gently guiding her towards the little mirror above the corner sink.

Even though Maura could see in the reflection that it was just Jane standing behind her, she couldn't help but tense up. When she saw Jane lifting her arm in the mirror, she actively forced herself not to move but once felt the brush of her her friend's fingertips against the uncovered skin of her neck, all she wanted to do was scream, yell, struggle, cry. It was only the kindness and genuine concern in Jane's eyes that kept her from running off.

Soft fingers hooked into the turtleneck collar, slowly pulling it down the way Maura had done earlier. For the past five days, Maura's main concern had been hiding her injuries from other people's curious gazes. She had deliberately been avoiding mirrors, rationalizing that as long as nobody saw the bruises – nobody _including herself_ – she could pretend they weren't there.

"Look at it, Maur'" Jane demanded and Maura's breath caught in her throat at the sight of her bruised neck. Their eyes met in the mirror and Maura realized she'd give anything for a turtle's ability to retract into her shell and never come out again. "No but" Jane said lowly but firmly. " _No but"_

Tears were streaming down Maura's face now and without a second of hesitation, Jane wrapped her arms around her friend's shaking body, enveloping her in a gentle embrace.

 _For the first time in days, Maura felt safe again._

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 ** _Reviews will make me feel better about procrastinating :)  
Do me the favor! _**


	2. An Open Letter to AreYouF-ingSerious

To AreYouFuckingSerious,

I don't think I have ever received a review as hurtful as yours, and maybe I should just ignore it - should try to focus on the supportive and kind reviews I've gotten before and since then - but I just _can't_.

You seem very upset and I don't understand why. Admittedly, I failed to include a trigger warning in both the summary and my author's note - an honest mistake I have fixed already and have now certainly paid for.

Regarding how you seemed to have read _Turtleneck_ expecting something light, fluffy and sweet, I fully understand that you were overwhelmed by the very dark underlying theme i.e. domestic violence. I should've included a trigger warning from the very beginning and I fully take responsibility for that.

However, the hurtful part of your review was not your clearly stating that you dislike the entire DV topic but your attacking me personally. You seem to have taken a look at my profile - that I can deduce from your references to both tv shows I usually write fanfiction about and the year I joined this site. Nevertheless, the conclusions you drew from these very limited bits and pieces of information were highly inaccurate, even though your entire review reads like you were absolutely certain that what you were thinking and saying was true.

You assumed the reason why I had chosen Rizzoli & Isles for this fanfiction was because I hated the show and wanted to show that by inflicting pain on _your_ beloved Maura Isles - assumptions you almost exclusively based on the realization that I had never written R&I fanfiction before.

If you had taken a closer look at the timeline of my publications on this website, you would've noticed I really get into a show I love, then write a whole bunch of stories about it and eventually start binge-watching another show that - naturally - the focus of my fanfictions shifts to. I started watching Rizzoli & Isles about three weeks ago and I'm absolutely in love with it. I know that R&I has been cancelled already but isn't the whole point of fanfiction to keep tv shows alive with your own ideas? Why would I be wasting me time writing stories for a tv show I hate? That doesn't make sense!

I doubt you have read any of my other stories - even though you claim to know me and them. If you had, you wouldn've noticed that I almost exclusively write Hurt/Comfort and Friendship - stories. Not because I enjoy making the characters of all these tv shows suffer - but because I like writing scenes/stories in which one person is there for his/her friend after something terrible happened to him/her. Isn't that what friendship is about?

Your review hurt because you pretended to know me even though your assumptions were completely wrong. If you don't like DV stories, don't read them. If you don't like my style of writing, tell me. If you think my English sucks, tell me that (it's not my first language after all). But don't you dare tell me you despise me as a person because you don't know me at all!

I don't expect everyone to love my stories - I don't even expect the reviews to be _neutral_ for that matter - if you don't like it, you don't like it. What I should be able to expect though is some basic human decency which your review was certainly lacking!

I know that people can get really attached to tv shows - I do, too. But even if your assumptions of my deliberately bashing and hurting Maura's R&I character were true, _Maura_ is only fictional. I'm not. I'm a real person with real feelings.

 _And you hurt me._


End file.
